Wednesday, August 28, 2013


Judgement within the infertility circle.

I'm not sure if you have experienced it, but I already have within the "short" year of trying to conceive. We all have different problems but I have always felt that we are all infertile women rooting and praying for each other to get that bring home baby. Recently I have found out that this is not the case. I'm sure it is a coping mechanism for this person but really? I guess that me not ovulating every month, having low progesterone , being 38 in 2 1/2 months and having a husband with a low count and 10% motility doesn't count. 

I expect to get stupid comments from people that have never experienced infertility, or (although unknowingly) uncaring comments from family members and friends. But when it comes from the community that I have grown so close to in a couple short months it is even worse. 

"at least you haven't....." You are right...  I have never been pregnant and miscarried, I have not been through multiple rounds of IUI, I have not been through IVF, I have not had any surgery to correct problems. Whether it was meant to be judgemental or not.. it was. I also don't have insurance that covers fertility so whatever we move forward with is 100% paid by us, even the medication coverage is horrible. Two months of progesterone is around $90 and the test to check my progesterone is $81.90 each time. The  IUI with the medication and tests I will need is around 1k each time and the percentage we have been given for success is less than 3%. IVF is going to cost us around 16k. So basically everything has to be VERY thought out before we do anything.

I just want all of you who read my blog to know that I am here for you no matter what type of infertility you are experiencing. Every time I read that someone has lost a baby I am sad even though I have not personally experienced it. Every time someone has a negative beta after IUI or IVF my heart breaks. Every time someone gets pregnant in our circle and has spotting I hold my breath and pray until I hear that everything is okay. Every time someone brings home their baby after struggling I celebrate with them. So I never would have thought there were levels of infertility. 

Thanks for listening. Now I can move on with my day!


  1. How frustrating. Whether someone has tried a couple months or a few years or taking clomid or doing multiple IVF cycles, we all share the same pain-no child. Its all the same. The costs of treatment are insane. We took out a loan of 16k for 4 cycles not included meds and the IUIS before and it seems so unfair people do this for free!! Keep fighting!

  2. I think what you have just experienced has probably happened to all of us. It is a horrible feeling to think that you're not experiencing as much, or paid as much, or suffered as much etc. For some people suffering through this, everything is a contest on who has been through more and who has hurt more. I am sorry you experienced this. I would like to say that sometimes I also make comments, but never to intentionally hurt someone or make them feel like they shouldn't belong. I tend to not get to emotionally attached anymore and sometimes that can pass over to people in my group. Like I said though, I would never want anyone to feel badly.

    Hope things get better :)

  3. I know exactly how you feel. 99.9% of the people in the community are so supportive and amazing. Then you get that one comment... Mine was "Wow, you're starting Clomid kind of early, aren't you?" REALLY?! You obviously didn't read my whole blog to get the whole story. God forbid I be aggressive with my treatment and try to prevent the heartache and sadness from lasting longer than it has to!!

    Hang in there!!!

  4. I am so sorry that you had to experience that. No matter what 'level' we're at or what we've been through, we are all on the same journey trying to get to the same end result. I hope that things start to look up soon :)

  5. I am so sorry for whoever it was that said something to you. No matter where we are there's people who have it better and people have it worse, but struggling is struggling. I don't feel any "less" because my BFP took injectibles and IUI and not IVF or that it happened to work the first time. I celebrate with those that have struggled, failed, and got a BFP with Clomid or Femara and TI as well as those with IVF. We're all sisters in this and we all know this pain. *hugs*

    Whoever said this is just really suffering and try to move from them and to those that are supportive.

  6. Things like this are disappointing to me. Why do we have to compete with each other over who's infertility is worse. Makes no sense to me and truthfully I can't see how there is any benefit to it.

  7. I have felt the exact same way but no matter what your journey is your journey and no one knows the heartache you feel except you. Seriously felt like I could have written this post.

  8. I, like you, am just getting started with my journey. And while I haven't had some of the YEARS of terrible struggles that some infertiles have I do have my own struggles and am seeking support from people who can relate. Please know there are plenty of us out here that feel your pain and are here to support you regardless of how difficult or "easy" this journey is for you.