Judgement

Judgement within the infertility circle.

I'm not sure if you have experienced it, but I already have within the "short" year of trying to conceive. We all have different problems but I have always felt that we are all infertile women rooting and praying for each other to get that bring home baby. Recently I have found out that this is not the case. I'm sure it is a coping mechanism for this person but really? I guess that me not ovulating every month, having low progesterone , being 38 in 2 1/2 months and having a husband with a low count and 10% motility doesn't count. 

I expect to get stupid comments from people that have never experienced infertility, or (although unknowingly) uncaring comments from family members and friends. But when it comes from the community that I have grown so close to in a couple short months it is even worse. 

"at least you haven't....." You are right...  I have never been pregnant and miscarried, I have not been through multiple rounds of IUI, I have not been through IVF, I have not had any surgery to correct problems. Whether it was meant to be judgemental or not.. it was. I also don't have insurance that covers fertility so whatever we move forward with is 100% paid by us, even the medication coverage is horrible. Two months of progesterone is around $90 and the test to check my progesterone is $81.90 each time. The  IUI with the medication and tests I will need is around 1k each time and the percentage we have been given for success is less than 3%. IVF is going to cost us around 16k. So basically everything has to be VERY thought out before we do anything.

I just want all of you who read my blog to know that I am here for you no matter what type of infertility you are experiencing. Every time I read that someone has lost a baby I am sad even though I have not personally experienced it. Every time someone has a negative beta after IUI or IVF my heart breaks. Every time someone gets pregnant in our circle and has spotting I hold my breath and pray until I hear that everything is okay. Every time someone brings home their baby after struggling I celebrate with them. So I never would have thought there were levels of infertility. 

Thanks for listening. Now I can move on with my day!

CD21

No ovulation yet.



THE END

Quote

"If you can't get what you want, you end up doing something else, just to get some relief. Just to keep from going crazy. Because when you're sad enough, you look for ways to fill you up."

- Laura Pritchett

Funny Friday

Happy Friday! (I wish it was this easy!)

Vitamin overload?

Since we are kind of in a holding pattern and I need to feel like I am doing of something I have been taking more vitamins. Every time I read that something could help with my progesterone levels or lining or aide in implantation or just help with fertility in general I am in! However at what point does it get a little crazy. Yes I know that I am already borderline cray cray but if it will help why not right? I take my extra stash of help around lunch and my prenatal vitamin before bed to space it you because I will just pee out the extra that isn't absorbed if I do it all at once. Are any of you cray cray's with supplementation? This is what I take below..

Vitamin C: Is told to increase fertility and the chance to get pregnant by 25%. It increases your progesterone level when taking 750mg/day. But don't take more than 1000mg/day because it will make your system more acidic which is unfriendly to sperm and is bad for implantation. More is not better.

Vitamin E:Increasing thickness in lining, reduction in miscarriage. Helps with glucose metabolism and insulin activity for PCOS and diabetes. Reduction of PMS symptoms. Healthy amniotic sac during pregnancy. 500mg/day. I have been taking pills but natural sources are what they recommend such as raw vegetable oils, nuts, nut butter, barley, green leafy vegetables, avocados, berries or tomatoes.

B6: hormone regulator. Regulates blood sugar, helps with PMS, morning sickness and luteal phase defect. Again, I take the pill but these foods help:  Tuna, banana, turkey, liver, salmon, cod, spinach, bell peppers, and turnip greens, collard greens, garlic, cauliflower, mustard greens, celery, cabbage, asparagus, broccoli, kale, Brussels sprouts, chard

L-Arginine: increases cervical mucous, enhance libido, increases orgasms (really excited about this one), regulates glucose, regulates blood pressure, increases energy, anti aging benefits,  healthy environment for implantation and help extend fertility with increase in age.  500mg/day

Musinex: increases cervical mucous

Prenatal vitamin

I will be adding extra extra Folic acid soon as well.

I'm extra crazy right? My husband would agree with you if you say yes.

Happy Tuesday friends!

Stupid Facebook

I was actually having a somewhat normal morning at work and then lunch and Facebook happened.

I have been going to an awesome hair stylist for the last few years. She is so kind and one of the sweetest people you would ever meet. I discuss my issues with infertility with her and she is genuinely concerned. Two appointments ago she told me that she is so worried that she won't be able to get pregnant after her wedding because of me and this other friend.

She got married in June... and just announced on Facebook that she is 12 weeks pregnant. WITH TWINS. I am wondering if they started trying before the wedding thinking that it would take a while.

I'm not going to lie, I cried. I am really happy for them that they are pregnant and that they don't have to struggle like we are at the moment. However, I am still sad for me. I don't want to be that way but her announcement hit me like a ton of infertile bricks. I need to get my hair highlighted but I don't know if I could make it through an appointment without crying. Why am I so pitiful? I mean her being pregnant doesn't have anything to do with me not being pregnant.  

Maybe going brunette wouldn't be the end of the world....

AMH results

Okay friends the results are in. First of all let me start by saying that the actual RE called me with the results and not a nurse. Great right? I saw the number pop up on my caller ID and my heart literally sped up to about 300 beats/minutes. Well okay, maybe not literally but it sped up! He introduced himself and then proceeded to give me the numbers. "Mrs. Lost your numbers have come back above average and things look great". I instantly got choked up and told him that he just made my day! Another poor result would have crushed me today. I put the chart below even though you all have probably seen it a million times. My number was 10.24 which is in the Normal Ovarian Reserve for a 38 year old! I like that the doctor said above average, but whatever I'm stoked either way.

My husband is going to get a second opinion from the best urologist in the Midwest. This guys resume is super impressive and so if we get the same answer then we know that IVF is our only option due to his low count. If the first urologist missed a varicocele then his sperm count could go up but it would take 3-6 months to see a difference. Time is not our friend right now so we have a lot to discuss.

Thanks for all the prayers and good thoughts!