Friday, August 30, 2013

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Things that make you go hmmmm

Need a good laugh today? Go check out my joke of a chart! NO CROSSHAIRS. Thoughts? Opinions? Why do I have to be broken? WTF

My Ovulation Chart

Wednesday, August 28, 2013


Judgement within the infertility circle.

I'm not sure if you have experienced it, but I already have within the "short" year of trying to conceive. We all have different problems but I have always felt that we are all infertile women rooting and praying for each other to get that bring home baby. Recently I have found out that this is not the case. I'm sure it is a coping mechanism for this person but really? I guess that me not ovulating every month, having low progesterone , being 38 in 2 1/2 months and having a husband with a low count and 10% motility doesn't count. 

I expect to get stupid comments from people that have never experienced infertility, or (although unknowingly) uncaring comments from family members and friends. But when it comes from the community that I have grown so close to in a couple short months it is even worse. 

"at least you haven't....." You are right...  I have never been pregnant and miscarried, I have not been through multiple rounds of IUI, I have not been through IVF, I have not had any surgery to correct problems. Whether it was meant to be judgemental or not.. it was. I also don't have insurance that covers fertility so whatever we move forward with is 100% paid by us, even the medication coverage is horrible. Two months of progesterone is around $90 and the test to check my progesterone is $81.90 each time. The  IUI with the medication and tests I will need is around 1k each time and the percentage we have been given for success is less than 3%. IVF is going to cost us around 16k. So basically everything has to be VERY thought out before we do anything.

I just want all of you who read my blog to know that I am here for you no matter what type of infertility you are experiencing. Every time I read that someone has lost a baby I am sad even though I have not personally experienced it. Every time someone has a negative beta after IUI or IVF my heart breaks. Every time someone gets pregnant in our circle and has spotting I hold my breath and pray until I hear that everything is okay. Every time someone brings home their baby after struggling I celebrate with them. So I never would have thought there were levels of infertility. 

Thanks for listening. Now I can move on with my day!

Monday, August 26, 2013


"If you can't get what you want, you end up doing something else, just to get some relief. Just to keep from going crazy. Because when you're sad enough, you look for ways to fill you up."

- Laura Pritchett

Friday, August 23, 2013

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Vitamin overload?

Since we are kind of in a holding pattern and I need to feel like I am doing of something I have been taking more vitamins. Every time I read that something could help with my progesterone levels or lining or aide in implantation or just help with fertility in general I am in! However at what point does it get a little crazy. Yes I know that I am already borderline cray cray but if it will help why not right? I take my extra stash of help around lunch and my prenatal vitamin before bed to space it you because I will just pee out the extra that isn't absorbed if I do it all at once. Are any of you cray cray's with supplementation? This is what I take below..

Vitamin C: Is told to increase fertility and the chance to get pregnant by 25%. It increases your progesterone level when taking 750mg/day. But don't take more than 1000mg/day because it will make your system more acidic which is unfriendly to sperm and is bad for implantation. More is not better.

Vitamin E:Increasing thickness in lining, reduction in miscarriage. Helps with glucose metabolism and insulin activity for PCOS and diabetes. Reduction of PMS symptoms. Healthy amniotic sac during pregnancy. 500mg/day. I have been taking pills but natural sources are what they recommend such as raw vegetable oils, nuts, nut butter, barley, green leafy vegetables, avocados, berries or tomatoes.

B6: hormone regulator. Regulates blood sugar, helps with PMS, morning sickness and luteal phase defect. Again, I take the pill but these foods help:  Tuna, banana, turkey, liver, salmon, cod, spinach, bell peppers, and turnip greens, collard greens, garlic, cauliflower, mustard greens, celery, cabbage, asparagus, broccoli, kale, Brussels sprouts, chard

L-Arginine: increases cervical mucous, enhance libido, increases orgasms (really excited about this one), regulates glucose, regulates blood pressure, increases energy, anti aging benefits,  healthy environment for implantation and help extend fertility with increase in age.  500mg/day

Musinex: increases cervical mucous

Prenatal vitamin

I will be adding extra extra Folic acid soon as well.

I'm extra crazy right? My husband would agree with you if you say yes.

Happy Tuesday friends!

Monday, August 19, 2013

Stupid Facebook

I was actually having a somewhat normal morning at work and then lunch and Facebook happened.

I have been going to an awesome hair stylist for the last few years. She is so kind and one of the sweetest people you would ever meet. I discuss my issues with infertility with her and she is genuinely concerned. Two appointments ago she told me that she is so worried that she won't be able to get pregnant after her wedding because of me and this other friend.

She got married in June... and just announced on Facebook that she is 12 weeks pregnant. WITH TWINS. I am wondering if they started trying before the wedding thinking that it would take a while.

I'm not going to lie, I cried. I am really happy for them that they are pregnant and that they don't have to struggle like we are at the moment. However, I am still sad for me. I don't want to be that way but her announcement hit me like a ton of infertile bricks. I need to get my hair highlighted but I don't know if I could make it through an appointment without crying. Why am I so pitiful? I mean her being pregnant doesn't have anything to do with me not being pregnant.  

Maybe going brunette wouldn't be the end of the world....

Friday, August 16, 2013

AMH results

    Okay friends the results are in. First of all let me start by saying that the actual RE called me with the results and not a nurse. Great right? I saw the number pop up on my caller ID and my heart literally sped up to about 300 beats/minutes. Well okay, maybe not literally but it sped up! He introduced himself and then proceeded to give me the numbers. "Mrs. Lost your numbers have come back above average and things look great". I instantly got choked up and told him that he just made my day! Another poor result would have crushed me today. I put the chart below even though you all have probably seen it a million times. My number was 10.24 which is in the Normal Ovarian Reserve for a 38 year old! I like that the doctor said above average, but whatever I'm stoked either way.
      age-specific FSH and AMH levels

My husband is going to get a second opinion from the best urologist in the Midwest. This guys resume is super impressive and so if we get the same answer then we know that IVF is our only option due to his low count. If the first urologist missed a varicocele then his sperm count could go up but it would take 3-6 months to see a difference. Time is not our friend right now so we have a lot to discuss.

Thanks for all the prayers and good thoughts!


Wednesday, August 14, 2013


I really don't have a lot to say today so I won't bore you with a lot of babbling. However I just wanted to say that our new clinic has impressed me again. Along with having a phenomenal Nurse Practitioner they are also on top of it! I got a call today following up with our appointment to see if we had any additional questions to address along with the name of another urologist that specializes in fertility for a second option on Mr. Lost's man parts and swimmers. My heart about jumped out of my chest when their number popped up on the caller id thinking the results had come back in Jimmy John speed (freaky fast).

Still hoping to get my AMH results back on Friday. I am seriously freaking out with the wait.

Serenity now...serenity now...serenity now..

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Our first RE appointment

We actually met with his nurse practitioner but she was extremely knowledgeable. It was pretty funny because she would ask a question and I would hand her a spreadsheet or chart to answer her questions. She just kept saying.. well, it seems as if you have done your research. I told her that I had a lot of friends going through infertility so we help each other out. I didn't tell her that my friends were all through blogs or a group on Facebook because I don't want to make you less important than the friends I actually see and have met. All of you get me. All of you can say you understand and feel my pain and I know you do. Even if you don't comment, I know you are here for me and I am here for all of you as well. We all have one common goal which is to be a parent and bring a healthy baby home.

We talked about all of our other test results, IUI and IVF. With my husband having a low count IUI doesn't really seem like a great option because he has 5.4 million that are actually swimming so after the wash we would have a very low chance of it working. SO upsetting since it is only around $700 to give it a go. I had blood drawn as well to check my AMH and should hear back by Friday and she may actually have the RE call me to discuss the findings. I am praying that we get good results because something has to go right at one point?!?! She is confident that my insurance will pay for around 3k of the testing but not the procedure so IF this is true it will be around $11,500 for IVF. Of course I asked about their success rates for a woman of my AMA (aka old ass) and she said it was between 50-60%. Of course I added my two cents when she said that by adding "our odds would have been a lot better at 30 when we started dating but someone took 7 years for us to get married!" On the way home my husband just couldn't get over the odds. He kept saying that he had better odds playing blackjack than us getting pregnant. And 12k is a lot of money for a "chance" at having a baby with no guarantee. FINALLY he is starting to get it. He would always shrug it off when I would talk about getting older and having a baby. He figured it wouldn't be that hard because people are having babies at an older age now. The odds are those older people took a while to get pregnant, or they are movie stars and have unlimited funds, or they are just lucky.

Anyway... I will let you guys know the results from the AMH test as soon as I find out. Until then I will be trying to relax. Trying being the key word. Please send good thoughts our way!

Wednesday, August 7, 2013


Today became Cycle Day One


Between WTH and WTH

Nothing. I really have nothing to say. I am in between WTH and WTH. Makes sense right?

I have been temping this month and now I'm pissed that I haven't been doing it for the past year to have more insight for the Doctor on Monday. My chart is almost identical to a pregnant chart on fertility friend but my mind/heart/spirit thinks nothing of it because I have spotted brown blood from 4dpo-11dpo. Today is 13dpo and there really isn't anything happening anymore in regards to the spotting (insert WTH). My temperature has stayed above the coverline but I suspect it will be dropping any day now.

I know that I don't sound very positive right now but I'm not really down either. I am so ready for Monday and I'm ready to bring out the big guns weather that includes big old PIO needle or a million drugs that make me look like two ton tessie. The circling with that damn stork and not going anywhere is the problem right now.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

FF chart

What is your take? I have also been spotting since 4DPO and today is 7DPO.

My Ovulation Chart