Telling my very Catholic mom about IVF

So today I made the call. I called my mom to tell her that we have decided to do In Vitro Fertilization. Yes, we chose to practice our Christianity in the Catholic church however we do not have the same stance as the church when it comes to a few things. Obviously IVF is one of those things. I am in a good place and have come to peace with our choice.

My mom does not approve of our choice because she does agree with every stance, but also said that she doesn't judge us even though it is a choice she would never make. I told her that it isn't fair that she says that because she never had to make that choice. She said that she really wished that I would talk to my cousins wife that does Natural Family Planning through the church. I reminded her that I have been charting, taking my temperature having timed intercourse for the last year. I have done EVERYTHING suggested from NFP. I went on to remind her that this is a medical issue. She said that with Faith she believes that God would still provide without IVF. I then used her cancer as an example. God provided us with doctors to help us with whatever disease we have. Infertility is a disease, and my husband and I have this disease.. She would not refuse chemo to save her life, and I will not refuse IVF to give me a life.

I have Faith in God. He is with me every second of every day. I know that he will be there with us along this journey no matter what. I also know that he will be guiding every Doctor, nurse and lab tech along this journey as well.

We got to the point where she said that she will be praying for me that I stay healthy through the process and that it isn't going to be easy. I know that she loves me. I know that she will be in love with our future baby. I know she will be here for me, but knowing that she doesn't approve is hard.

I received a book from Holly at Baby, Oh Baby called Hannah's Hope "Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss". I plan on starting it tonight. I am also getting another book Where the *bleep* is our stork recommended  by a guest blooger called The Infertility Companion Hope and Help for couples facing Infertility. I'm planning on posting a quick review for each book after I read them.

I want to thank everyone that reads my blog and has reached out to me. Your kindness means the world to me right now and it keeps me on the right track. I am praying, and staying positive because of you and God!

Costs & Angels

Before I get to my findings I want to talk about kindness and generosity. Two of my blog followers reached out to me with open arms to help me. Both of them brought tears to my eyes and warmness to my heart. This journey through infertility is not an easy one so having other people going through the same thing supporting you feels pretty darn great. Thank you to both of you (you know who you are). You guys are my two favorite people at the moment.

 

I made my calls to get the prescriptions priced today and there is a substantial difference in the two pharmacies that I called. One pharmacy was given to me by one of the fore mentioned angels above, and the other pharmacy is the one I currently go to for my medications. HUGE DIFFERENCE

CVS = $4,724.53

Bravelle -  $125.99/each x 20 = $2,519.80

Menopur - $132.99/each x 10 = $1,329.90

Lupron - 2 week kit = $337.99

Ovidrel - 1 syringe = $128.99

Crinone - $27.19/each x 15 = $407.85

  

Strohecker - $2,691.30  http://www.stroheckersrx.com/fertility.php

Bravelle - $57.95/vile x 20 = $1,159

Menopur - $79.95/vile x 10 = $799.50

Lupron   - 2 week kit = $149.95

Ovidrel   - 1 syringe = $119.95

Crinone - $19.86/each x 15 = $297.90

Overnight shipping: $165

 

CVS is $2,033.23 more! Really??? That is a huge difference and obviously you know what choice we are going to make. I about lost it when I added everything up. Plus the people at Strohecker's also send a Large sharps container, alcohol swabs, all necessary needles and syringes and Q-caps. They also give you a card with the phone number of a pharmacist who is available 24/7 for all questions or concerns. CVS on the other hand was a mess. They couldn't tell me how many viles were in a package or how many Crinone came for the price they quoted. When I asked if they could find out they told me that they would have to order it first then they would let me know. Um, no thanks CVS.

 

I am currently on cloud nine with my findings. Yes, we are still paying a crap ton of money for a 50% chance of a take home baby. But we are spending 2k less than we would have and I will take it!!

My RX list

Okay friends. Here are the drugs that I will be taking next month.

1. Bravelle 150 IU/Day for 10 days (control the timing of egg ripening and increase the chance of producing a substantial number of eggs)
2. Menopur 75 IU/Day for 10 days  (stimulate multiple follicular development LH & FSH)
3. Lupron 2 week kit (supress my ovaries)
4. Ovidrel 1 prefilled syringe (to ripen and mature my eggs HcG)
5. Crinone 8% gel #15 (progesterone gel)

I have tried to get an estimate of the prices online, but I will be making calls over my lunch tomorrow. These are the quick research numbers that I have got so far.

1. Bravelle = $2,245
2. Menopur = $1,225
3. Lupron = $900
4. Ovidrel = $115
5. Crinone = $282

Talk about stuff getting real. I will also be prescribed a pain medication and antibiotic but they said that those would be cheap so they didn't give me the names. So around $4,800 later we will have the drugs needed for our chance at a take home baby. It's just money right? (insert my tears here)

I am staying positive, but whew this is a lot to take in at the moment. My state needs to join the ranks with the other states that have at least some IF coverage. How about a tax credit? Anything?

Has anyone had a protocol close to this one? Opinions? Thoughts?

Excitement

I have this feeling of excitement every night when I take my BC pill and baby aspirin. I literally smile at myself in the mirror when I get ready to swallow. We are getting closer, closer to the chance of getting pregnant and finally having our baby. BD'ing is actually fun again and we feel like a couple of kids. My husband has been gone for two weeks and we are both super ready for him to be home (wink, wink). Our last two weeks have been very busy so we haven't had a lot of time to sit down and talk.  He sent me a text today while at the airport basically talking about how he is ready to do whatever we need to in order to make this happen. Does it suck that we are going to have a high rate with ARC? Yes, but I also know that we will pay extra when we can and that it will be worth every penny if we end up pregnant  WHEN we end up pregnant.

I have also been focusing on what we have and not what we don't have. We have a great marriage, we have great jobs, we have (somewhat) supportive families, we have God, and we have our health. I always imagined that there would just be two of us in the room when we conceived but sometimes our dreams come in different ways than we expected.

I should be finding out soon what meds I will be taking since they have all of my blood work and my baseline ultrasound is done. ARC paperwork will be signed this week, and then medication will be ordered. We also need to schedule the gazillion appointments between now and then as well. Egg retrieval the beginning of November and then transfer. Our birthdays are a day apart (Nov 11th and 12th) and I couldn't think of a greater gift than a pregnancy. So I'm making sure everyone at the clinic knows this is what I want!

Sunshine

I have been nominated by Jennifer over at "It's Jennifer Juniper" for the sunshine award. It gave me a nice smile when I saw that she mentioned me. I hope that I have brightened at least one person's day. Thanks Jennifer!

 

Here are the rules:
1. Include the Sunshine Award icon in your post.
2. Link to the person who nominated you.
3. Answer 10 questions about yourself.
4. Nominate 10 bloggers to receive the award.
5. Link your nominees and let them know they've been nominated.

 

1. What was your favorite vacation and why?
   Either Florida with my husband and step daughter because I was in my 30's and seeing Disney  for the first time. Or the staycation with just me and my husband the night he proposed.

2. What's your 1 piece of must-have clothing?
  Probably a great pair of jeans that fit just right

3. When you were young, how old did you think you'd be when you got married? Had kids?
  I thought that I would be married by 24 and have my first child by 26

4. What is your favorite store ever?
  My favorite store is either Marshals or Ross. I love a good deal!

5. How many different cities have you lived in?
  5 in Kansas, 2 in Colorado, 2 in Wisconsin, 1 in Florida

6. What has been the most surprising thing in your life recently?
  The most surprising thing recently was my mom getting cancer

7. What is your favorite type of candy?
  Sour gummies

8. What hobby do you wish you were good at? Or wish you could learn?
  I sew, but I wish that I could sew my own clothing

9. Do you have an obsession with anything? If so, what?
  Besides all things that have to do with having a baby... Eating better

10. If you had to have one meal every day the rest of your life, what would it be?
  I would eat the chicken bowl from Chipotle


Here are 10 bloggers that I follow and they also take the time to comment on my blog which always brightens my day.

1) Just T
2) Aubrey
3) Jennifer
4) Dream Chase
5) Caroline
6) Holly
7) Impatiently Waiting
8) Suzanne
9) Jo Jo
10) Jessah


Here are your questions girls!

1) If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
2) What is your favorite movie of all time?
3) What is your favorite sinful pleasure?
4) What makes you unique?
5) What is the sweetest thing your significant other has done for you?
6) What is the number one thing on your bucket list?
7) If you could be anyone for a day who would it be?
8) What word in the dictionary irritates you the most?
9) What would your dream job be?
10) What is your favorite memory?

Baseline results are in

I went in for my baseline ultrasound and blood work today. It was the first time that I have had a vaginal ultrasound so having it while AF was here made it extra special. The nurse actually did a great job of explaining things and let me have a print out of my uterus since my husband is out of town. I sent him a fun version of it that you can see below. Dr. G came in right when the procedure started and it was the first time that I had met him in person (not awkward at all). I said nice to meet you under such great conditions Dr. G, and he smiled shook my hand and said sorry. ha! My right ovary had 8 follicles that they could see and my left had 12. They pointed to what they were looking at and I nodded that I could see them but that was a total lie. I'm sure I will be able to see them when they are all plumped up and ready to give us some perfect eggs. My blood results are:

Estradiol: 51.74 PG/ML       (25-75 normal range)
FSH: 5.80 MIU/ML             ( <6 excellent, 6-9 good)

So I am happy with what they have found so far for sure!

I told the Dr. that all I wanted from him was to be pregnant by Thanksgiving. That's not asking a lot right? I told him that one would be fine, but two would be great as well. He smiled politely. The nurse smiled and said "well that will be our goal", and I followed up with "I am going to will it to happen so it will". She smiled politely.

I love the nurse that took my blood, I actually saw her at our first appointment as well. We were talking about my husbands count and she said....."It only takes one". So I said "I will punch you in the face if you ever say that again". She started laughing, and I said since we are doing IVF 5 million will be perfect. She introduced me to another nurse a little later and said she told her about me saying I was going to punch her in the face and that they were excited to work with me because I was going to be a lot of fun. That's my goal!! To be positive and have fun along the way. I know it will be hard at times but I will always hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

I'm still trying to iron things out with ARC and figure out if we are going to do the medication thing on our own since it is 10% less expensive if we do. We just won't be able to finance it into our loan if we buy them through our pharmacy so that is why I keep going back and forth. I told my dad that I'm still waiting on my trust fund and he laughed, so I think that might mean it may not be happening but a girl can dream.

It is SO real. I have put my trust in God now and I will accept his plan no matter what it will be.

The line through the middle is Aunt Flo. Just in case you have always wondered what she looks like.

Baseline, ready go!

Today is CD2. I had a 41 day cycle last month so it is about damn time. I am going in tomorrow at 11:15 for baseline tests and ultrasound to see what our plan of action is going to be. I am nervous and excited. I am staying positive about this process because what is being negative going to do for me? (the answer is nothing BTW).

 

 I know for sure that I will be on birth control pills for 2-4 weeks but I won't know if I need the daily shots of lupron yet. Then we will begin the ovarian stimulation phase! Dr. G will individualize my medications to fit me specifically once my test results are in for him to analyze. The perfect cocktail to grow us some perfect eggs! Shots are in my near future. Then I will be ready for retrieval!!!!! Dh will have some alone time at the office and then they will do ICSI to each of the perfect eggs, then I will be praying for some AA embryos. 

 

There will be a lot of positive thinking, praying and healthy eating going on for the next few months. Along with exercise and meditation. No half assing it from this point on ladies! I am going to sacrifice whatever I need to for my take home healthy baby (babies) . Let's do this!!

I don't know where to start

So I keep thinking that AF is here, then nothing. You can look at my chart if you would like on the right side. I am on CD41. This is actually a blessing in disguise because my mom is having her surgery tomorrow so if I start tomorrow then I won't have to leave the hospital for day 2 testing. I can wait a few days, just not another month. My spotting was red at first but has been brown the last few days (TMI). So now I wait. I'm sure you will be on pins and needles waiting to know about my period. Ha!

We applied with ARC and they came back with a rate of 9.9 which sucks. So I am going to call and apply tomorrow with my information to see if it makes a difference. My husband has awesome credit so I'm not sure what happened. We should be able to pay more each month and not actually end up paying that rate but I'm still going to try.

Please keep my mom in your prayers. Her surgery is at 8am Central time tomorrow to remove the cancer. They will be removing over half her stomach with the tumor so recovery is going to be long. I really need her and can't imagine her not being in my life. So give all of the good thoughts and prayers you would have given me to her tomorrow.

So????

So, I'm not really sure if I ovulated or not. If I take away the watery discharge on my chart I lose my crosshairs, and I am on CD38 currently. The only thing that would verify this would be a progesterone test but I am not willing to pay the $90 to find out.  And two pregnancy tests have come back negative. So I wait.... I am waiting for CD1 so that I can go get my day 2, 3 and four blood work done and get the process going for our IVF.

My husband thinks that we should wait until my next cycle because this month is pretty crazy for me and our RE is 20 minutes from where I work. Basically I will be doing this over my lunch and cutting it super close. He is gone for two weeks in Florida playing softball so I am playing single parent to my 14 year old step daughter, my mom is getting her cancerous tumor removed on 9/17 and my dad will be staying with me for 5-10 days while she is in the hospital. Plus numerous other things going on in September. I understand where he is coming from but my cycles are SO long so it's not like it will be next month it could end up being November before I have CD1 again. If that was the case it would be January of February before we can do the transfer. I have waited so long for this and I don't want to wait another second. So I will do what I have to do in order to make it happen.

The only thing that could set us back would be financing. I am waiting to hear what rate we qualify for with ARC and then we will know more. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.. Thanks friends!

CD1

******UPDATE******

I only ended up bleeding for a minute that morning, and haven't had a drop of blood since. However I have had two BFN tests on 11DPO and 12DPO.




I let myself have hope when I saw my temp stay up this morning. That was until I went to the bathroom. Onto IVF.

Bad day

So I'm having a bad day. I know that the % of us getting pregnant on our own is super low but I still hold onto that little thing called hope each month that maybe, just maybe one of the 5 million might have made the long trip to my egg. So when my temperature dropped this morning it made me sad, disappointed and I have been having a "why me?" kind of day. And then I thought.... Hey, it's 8DPO so maybe it was an implantation dip! (insert crazy person laugh). It could be, but monkeys may fly out of my butt too. Anyone want to look at my chart? Let's all imagine that it is an implantation dip today and that we aren't going to spend 25k for IVF.


My Ovulation Chart

Shit is getting real

SO. Shit is getting real now.

We canceled my husband's second opinion with a urologist and we had great reasons why. IF for some reason the first guy missed a varicocele and we had surgery it would be around $8,000. Well the surgery can help 60% of men and then half of them go onto father a child naturally so 8k for a 30% chance. In our minds that money can go towards IVF which is our only option due to his sperm count. I have been talking to ARC and have put a call into our RE to see what the next step is. I know that they want me to be on birth control for a month before we start the protocol and AF should be here next week. I'm not going to lie, I am excited but terrified.

ARC has given me the below prices (which doesn't include medication BTW)

* One-cycle plus - $11,455.74 (one fresh one frozen cycle of IVF)
* One-cycle plus with no monitoring = $9,398.56
* Two-cycle plus = $20,072.21 (2 fresh 2 frozen)
* Two-cycle plus no monitoring = $16,489.72
* Three-cycle plus - $26,914.94 (3 fresh 3 frozen)
* Three-cycle plus no monitoring = $22,146.31

As I have mentioned before Kansas is not a mandatory state and so my insurance doesn't cover treatment. The nurse practitioner said that they might pay for some of the treatment totally 3k but we can't go in with that mindset. They gave us a price of around 15k/IVF which would be in range with the One-cycle plus with medication costs. But in my mind I feel like we need to do the Two-cycle plus in fear it won't work the first time. Since I will be 38 in November I only qualify to get a portion of our money back if no take home baby but only with the Three-cycle plus. UGH.

So basically if we do the Two or Three-cycle and get pregnant the first time it is going to cost us a ton more money. But if we do the One-cycle plus and don't get pregnant it is going to cost us a ton more money to do it twice. WHAT THE HELL DO WE DO???