Emotional

I am SO emotional today. I am pretty sure that AF is right around the corner. I don't know why that stupid B has to come around when she is so unwanted, you would think she would eventually get the point. I am exhausted and craving everything bad for me as well. Why can't Auntie Flo come with a ten pound weight loss? At least if she brought that gift all of us infertile gals could look good in a bathing suite why we cry about not being pregnant. 

My brother his wife and their four boys came down this weekend and we had such a great time. It was nice to keep my mind distracted and love on them all. They are 4,7,13 and 15. My brother and sisters kids have my heart and I would do about anything for them. At church on Sunday the four year old was sitting between me and my husband and at one point I could feel the tears welling up inside but I kept them at bay. Watching them interact made our struggle that much more real for me. My almost 14 year old step daughter lives with us and I love her and call her mine so this may sound selfish but I want a child that is a part of the both of us as well. I want to look into our baby's eyes and see my husband's smile and my eyes. I want to hear someone call me mom. I am grateful for what I have but it still doesn't stop me from wanting more.

The results from my husband's affair with the cup should be in this week. I have been praying for good results but trying to get myself prepared if they are not.Oh, I also got a few of these ignoramus comments this weekend "when are you guys going to have a baby?" and "if you just relax it will happen" and "as soon as my cousin's , friend's, sister's vet's wife stopped trying it happened for them". Really?!?!? . Anyway... I'll make sure to give you guys an update as soon as I hear something. Ugh.